Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Premier Clark ditches coal & LNG for renewables

Christy Clark announced today that British Columbia is terminating coal exports and ending negotiations to provide free land, power, natural gas feedstock, shipping facilities and other capital and operating supports demanded by the fossil fuel industry. Along with permissions for temporary foreign workers, the subsidies would have allowed multinational energy companies to ship British Columbia LNG to Asian markets at acceptable levels of profitablity.

Despite more than $20 billion in coal exports from the province during her three year tenure as Premier, and the promises of gas exports worth trillions of dollars soon after the next election, Clark says it is time to bring greater focus to our "bountiful supply of renewable resources."

Because Clark's aim is to grow the economy to provide her close friends, family and ex-family with a strong, secure and wealthy future, she personally designed and guided a new project under the BC Jobs Plan. Liberals plan to initiate the export of clean, fresh, renewable, nitrogen-rich mountain air to smog-addled cities of Asia.


Bags of unprocessed, organic, naturally fresh air are to be hand-packaged near the sacred headwaters of the Skeena, Stikine and Nass Rivers, in the rugged mountains of BC's remotest reaches, at the stunningly beautiful edge of the Spatsizi Wilderness where the headwaters begin for three of the world’s most important salmon rivers: The Skeena, Stikine and Nass. Without this new industrial activity, the Wet’suwet’en people would have been required to endure coal bed methane development in their traditional territories.

Clark has worked steadily to realize this vision. She says successful marketing has required endless travel, an unprecedented wardrobe and far too many photo opportunities, events she always resists.
"No premier in British Columbia's history has needed as many changes of clothing and few voters realize the pressure this imposes on my team of dressers. They must meticulously record the outfit I wear for every engagement to ensure I never repeat myself. One of my staff is tasked with wearing new shoes before I put them on to ensure I don't serve the people while my feet are sore."



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16 comments:

  1. .. great newz .. and she'll save the wild salmon too ? Someday ?

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  2. You can always count on Norm...... for some well researched &............... some very appropriate & hilarious comments.

    Great Stuff Norm.

    Guy in Victoria

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  3. Happy April Fools! Although we should not be surprised that anything too far fetched would come out of Premier Photo Op's mouth.

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  4. Hilarious, Norm.

    H. Wash

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  5. Just like a carny medicine lady, selling snake oil. BC, collectively, must be one of the least intelligent provinces in Canada to elect this snake charmer. Oh wait, Rob Ford runs in Ontario. How low can you go.

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  6. A good start to April 1st. Ms Clark must wonder where to pander or whom to pander to next. Oh well she can take solace in the fact that her competitors are almost as inept as she is. Maybe even more than she is.13

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  7. She also said that in question period today she will tell the truth about her involvement in BC Rail, teacher negotiations, ethnic vote getting, real budget deficit, real purpose of site C dam,...........

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  8. Now we know why she has a larger staff than any Premier before her. Not since Bill Bennett has that office had a team of dressers and make-up artists.

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  9. Sad thing Norm: this could be real. She'll jump on any bandwagon if she could she any advantage.

    July Morning

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    Replies
    1. sorry: ...see, not she...
      July Morning

      Delete
  10. G. Barry StewartApril 1, 2014 at 8:55 AM

    "One of my staff is tasked with wearing new shoes before I put them on to ensure I don't serve the people while my feet are in discomfort"

    I'll assume that wouldn't be Rich Coleman...

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    Replies
    1. It's dresses, not shoes, that Rich tries for dear leader.

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  11. You might enjoy this piece of news,too:

    http://scienceblogs.com/confessions/

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  12. She might also want to develop a renewable heat source so she can export an alternative - hot air, which she has generously provided to all of us locals over the years. Don't forget the vast array of custom made coveralls, pretend workboots and gleaming white hardhats!

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  13. What would Lao Tzu do?

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  14. that was so funny! the first line, my mind went, didn't hear that on the news, then read the rest and couldn't stop laughing. I'm back now. thank you for the good laugh. loved the visuals of the air bags, sort of the like the lieberal gas bags we have in B.C.
    It was some what amusing to have Christy go on and on about exporting all these polluting "resources" around the same time 200 scientists released their report. They just don't come any dumber than the dummy,.

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